he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
