ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
