True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
