she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
sex in a hospital.. check
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize