the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
