Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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