I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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