Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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