I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
