Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
