I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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