I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
