(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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