On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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