goodnight i made you a song goodbye
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
