Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize