Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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