I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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