I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
