I looked at my own cervix.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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