we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
