I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now