Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us