i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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