I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
