you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this will be a night to untag.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
