my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
