Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
