I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize