are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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