my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
