My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
