My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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