Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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