I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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