if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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