Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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