So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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