Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
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I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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