You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
