Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
