I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
