I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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