hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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