I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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