were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
