I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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