i don't like sucking hair
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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