If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
