Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
