Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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