Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
