from now on my penis is your penis
please come you make the beer taste better
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize