I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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