They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
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You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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