I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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