i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize