I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
