with your own penis?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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