she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
