New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize