Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
